How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
