Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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