She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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