what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
