wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
