Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
where are my eyebrows?
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