what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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