Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
