btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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