I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
