dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
