Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
