At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
