Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
