i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
