I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
