He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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