Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
