She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
