sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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