i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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