She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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