i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
