Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
