dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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