Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
