Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
