non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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