I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
