is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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