Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
