So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
