3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
