I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
