I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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