I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Please, let me fuck your mom
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
