Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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