I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He did a backflip because drugs
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