so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
