The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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