if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
