Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
