my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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