you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
