Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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