This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
