if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
