So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
