No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
