I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
