You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
