this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
