Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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