Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize