Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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