my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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