and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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