they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
