im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
