I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
