So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize