I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
