Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
