This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
