He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did I show you my penis last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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