Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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