Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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