youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize