I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
