Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
