These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
