I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
