That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
