I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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