take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize