In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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