watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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